Thursday, 27 September 2007

Cat Out the Bag...

So, somehow once you've told one person it seems easier to tell more people and more people get to know!

After I got back from my sort of hen weekend I had lots of chats with my best friend about CDD and she did her own research. Once she'd read a bit about it she encouraged me to tell the other girls that had been at the weekend, and she would help! So we all went out for supper last night, amazing how last minute plans come together when normally I can't get these girls together without at least a month's warning.

Amazingly it was a really easy conversation but mostly because one of the girls knew all about it! Dee knew all about it because one of her friends (who I also know, I will call her V for now) is trying to make a programme about CDD. She has told Dee about it briefly though I don't think she's allowed to say too much. Anyway, Dee could understand where T (my fiance) and I are coming from so it didn't take much to get us all on the same wave length. Sometimes I'm amazed by how small London can be, imagine my friend and an acquaintance have had a chat about CDD when i've been agonising over it.

Anyway, I've now spoken to V about it because she seems very serious about the programme and to know all about it. Obviously at the moment I'm not a huge amount of help for her as I'm not married (yet!) and so not officially in a CDD relationship. However, T and I are going to talk to her after the wedding to see where she's at, if things go well we might help her. It seems that this element of our relationship is not destined to be as anonymous as I thought and to some extent feared. Of course I'm yet to talk to my family which I would have to do but if I could help V then maybe CDD would become less of a taboo. Certainly lots to think about!

Also, I've been approached by a journalist from Australia through this blog (obviously CDD is suddenly on the radar) but my loyalty is with my friend's friend but you never know. What do you all think about it?

The Wedding...well, I had a lovely chat with my Dad the other day. He was suddenly getting all emotional about his little girl growing up, we've always been close. I'm his only daughter so I indulged his emotional moment and I think we're going to try and do something just the 2 of us before the wedding. I finish work at the end of this week so I've got the days next week. Poor T is very much getting sidelined with everything that is going on in preparation for the wedding but we talk every night even if we have seen each other during the day. It's so comforting to know I can talk to him about anything and he normally knows what I'm thinking before I do!

Gee x

Monday, 24 September 2007

Off the Cuff - good news!

I had a great weekend despite some rain and unexpectedly cold weather! So my girls weekend was a huge success (even if I say so myself).

It was just like the old days, we laughed and chatted the whole way through the weekend. These days it is so rare to get my closest girlfriends together in one place for even 5 minutes, so a whole weekend was amazing. The best news is that I managed to broach CDD, ok so not with everyone but with my best friend. We were sharing a room and on Saturday night after a couple of glasses of wine we were on the verge of sleep and I just came out with it.

I had the best laid plans of how to approach it but in the end being direct was best. I explained that T (my fiance) had brought this subject up with me and how much research we had been doing into it. Now my best friend hasn't always been a fan of T and at first she leapt to all the wrong conclusions. But after she'd switched the light back on, I think she realised I was serious and that I had thought about it. It was the most amazing feeling when she said 'I'll support you and be there for you to talk to.' Now, I know that when I am adjusting to the rules and the first punishments that I won't have to hide it from her.

I am already planning on telling the other girls, there just wasn't time over the rest of the weekend but I feel centred and confident again. I know how hard other people have found talking about this lifestlye choice and I'm hoping this is going to be insipiration because I've received such kind words of support.

So fingers crossed the understanding continues and more importantly the countdown to the Big Day continues...any last minute advice?

Gee xx

Friday, 21 September 2007

15 Days...

So I couldn't resist it any longer and had to start the countdown today. It's 15 DAYS till my WEDDING DAY!

So this weekend I am off for the weekend with my closest girlfriends, my last weekend of freedom as such, as I am spending the weekend before the wedding with my soon to be in-laws.

So, I'm off with the girls but it's more of a relaxing weekend than a hen weekend. I don't want any fuss just some quality time. We're going to the Brecon Beacons to do some horse riding, walking and to have cream teas. I'm leaving any second and just can't wait.

My calmness has lasted all week and so now I am thinking that I might broach the subject of CDD this weekend. These are my closest girlfriends and what the roadtest (see earlier) with work colleagues was all about. I've made some notes and re-read all your comments. So fingers crossed, i'll make a better job of it this time. Or I guess if the mood isn't right then I won't mention it at all. I know I've only got one chance to get this across in the right way, I don't want them to suddenly think differently about my fiance.

I've got to rush as I'm getting a lift and we're leaving any second. Keep your fingers crossed for me and also for sunshine :)

Gee x

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Happy Weekend

So after all the panics and upsets of last week I was really surprised to have a lovely relaxing weekend. My fiance and I took some time out from wedding plans and extended family to do 'us' stuff. We didn't do much, my fiance had just got the new series of Spooks (a British spy series) so we started watching that on DVD and got hooked. We went and saw some friends on Saturday night and talked about anything except weddings!

It was just what I needed, I've got my focus back. I'm getting married to someone and it's about the longterm not just one day or some difficult conversations I may or may not have in the future. So, for today at least it's all happy and full steam ahead. I can almost start to countdown the days till my wedding!

Gee x

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

Working Late

Last night I had to work late to make up for all the time I have been spending on wedding plans in the last few months. It got to that stage when there was only me and 2 other girls in the office and we were all nearly heading home. In the end we went to the local pub for one glass of wine before getting on the tube (this happens far too often!).

Over the wine everything suddenly came tumbling out. I don't know whether it is writing this blog or just having spent time looking into CDD recently but I suddenly needed to know what people's reaction would be. Luckily as I was only having one glass of wine I managed to disguise my own situation as that of a friend (probably very easy to see through). The 2 girls were really shocked and just thought my 'friend' was involved in some sort of fetish. I got a bit defensive (in my mind I wanted to get much more so) but they wouldn't be swayed.

I want to talk to my real friends, the people I've grown up with, talked to about everything since childhood but this early brush has made it seem impossible. I think I am going to have to work on my explanations. I think I was a bit heavy on the punishment side and didn't say enough about submission. How do you explain that CDD is not a fetish and not even sexually orientated when that is what peope assume because of the way things are portrayed these days?

I just need a normal day where I don't make my own life more difficult or have anyone ringing me about wedding plans. I'm exhausted and for the first time getting stressed. I don't want to turn into a bridezilla or a totally different person.

On the plus side, thank you all for your kind and helpful comments. I'm going to keep re-reading them to get some perspective (hopefully).

Gee x

Monday, 10 September 2007

Wedding Jitters

Well I guess it had to happen some time...I'm getting a serious case of pre-wedding nerves. There's so much running through my head that I don't know where to start. I guess it's best to start with the little things first.

My Mum has just decided to tell me that she doesn't think the bridesmaids' dresses go with my dress - why didn't she say this 5 months ago when we bought them? I think they look fine but now I'm not so sure.

My fiance is getting stressed about having to make a short speech to thank the bridesmaids - they're only 5 years old they really won't mind what he says. He isn't very good at public speaking so I can't really blame him for being nervous, i'm so glad I'm not expected to say anything.

I'm most worried about the first dance, I've got 2 left feet and I never do more than bop around on the spot. Somehow I don't think that will quite work with all my guests looking on. What if I trip over the dress?

Then the bigger thing which I have no one to talk to about except my fiance, our decision to have a CDD based marriage. I was convinced this was the right decision but suddenly I'm scared. I think it is the thought that in a month's time I might be over my husband's (!!!) knee getting a spanking. now that I know more about the spankings I see that it's not just one slap but then again I know that there are things I need to be more disciplined about.

So as you can see I am a big ball of confusion and hoping that somebody will offer some kind words of reassurance.

Gee x

Wednesday, 5 September 2007



I'm a 25 year old woman who is about to get married! I've got the dress, the Church, (the fiance obviously) and the invitations have been sent. So a month ago my fiance said that with everything prepared we needed to talk about our future...

He cooked me a 3 course dinner (this never happens) and that's when I knew it was something serious. He has asked me to consider having a Domestic Discipline relationship which means me submitting to him as Head of the Household. I've been doing some research and have decided this is for me.

As we're only engaged at the moment we are just talking about it. We've started setting some boundaries, drawing up rules and even looking at paddles on the internet! This blog is his idea, he wants me to have somewhere to vent my feelings that he won't look at, at least to start with.

So only a month till the wedding and a whole new life...